Is This the Saddest Hoagie in the History of South Jersey?
Up until this past Friday night, I never thought a sandwich could make me angry.
It was the end of the work week and as I was getting read to head home, I had to answer the most dreadful question ever: "what's for dinner?"
While pondering whether to choose between fish sticks, spaghetti, or a pizza (I've been known to inspire people in the kitchen), I had an epiphany: I should get a White House Special from White House Subs in Atlantic City.
Now, this is a subject that can be debated about for years and I'm willing to fight people over this topic. I consider the White House Special to be the best sandwich in the entire state, if not one of the best in the country.
If you aren't familiar with it, it's Genoa salami, provolone, imported ham, and capicola, all on Formica Brothers' Atlantic City bread, topped with lettuce, tomato, onion, oil and vinegar, some oregano, salt and pepper, and a little bit of hot pepper. Wrapped in 18 trees worth of deli paper, the whole - which is about as long as your arm - is about $20 and it weighs 3.5 pounds (yes, I've actually put it on a scale).
I mean, look at this:
Again, as far as I'm concerned, its one of the best sandwiches in the country. It's happiness in the form of a sub (FYI: this is "sub" territory, not "hoagie" territory).
But... I didn't feel like driving into Atlantic City Friday night for no other reason than I didn't feel like driving into Atlantic City.
And before I go on, let me say that this is not a commercial for White House. There are dozens and dozens of shops all across our area that make subs/hoagies as good as that one. Check out the list below.
So, instead I decided to get a hoagie from another place (I physically crossed the border from sub-territory back into hoagie-land), which shall remain nameless.
When I got home, I lost faith in humanity upon opening it.
This has got to be the saddest hoagie in the history of South Jersey.
What, what is that?
I don't have a Telestrator like John Madden had, so let's just do a side-by-side here.
On the left, do you see how that hoagie is devoid of any happiness at the end -- there's nothing there except for dry bread? And is that one whole piece of cheese? I'm lucky I got that little dribble of lettuce on there. And the hell with any salt or pepper or oregano here -- I'm eatin' this one as it grew right out of the ground.
That's the saddest hoagie in the history of South Jersey. If you can top that, I'd love to hear from you.
Oh, and yes, I am being extremely over-dramatic here on purpose. You don't need to post on Facebook about how I'm complaining about something so trivial as a crappy hoagie. And, yes, I know there are much bigger problems in the world. And, yes, I am extremely fortunate to be able to enjoy even the worst of sandwiches. And #firstworldproblems. Relax. And laugh. It's just a hoagie. Or a sub.